How Is Your Heart?
Seven years ago I had a couple experiences that lead me to a sobering encounter with God. In both situations, my heart reaction was the same. I was filled with feelings of extreme contempt, anger…maybe even hatred. It was uncomfortable and surprising to experience this as I had no reason to respond in this manner so I asked the Lord what it was that I was feeling. I felt the Lord say, “This is an evil that has been released on the Earth. It is full of haughty pride and will cause polarization and much division. It is similar to what was released in Hitler’s time and it will affect anyone who lets it in, Christian and non-Christian alike.” I felt that it was a warning for me to guard my heart.
Over the next years, I watched it play out in politics, social media and pretty much every sphere of society. It has hindered the ability to dialogue and stifled unity. Nations, communities, churches and families divided. Loud and angry voices masked the fear of receding rights. People were blinded by their own ideas of righteousness. I saw rants on social media often filled with anger and fear.
The culmination of this manifested itself through the COVID-19 pandemic. About six months into the Covid season, I was irritated with a church and how they were handling a Covid outbreak. I was judgemental and irritated towards the pastor and congregants. While I was scrolling through social media following what was going on, I clearly felt the Lord say, “be careful, your heart is feeding on haughty judgements”. I immediately responded to the rebuke by putting my phone down and no longer following what was going on in that specific situation. I felt that the Lord told me that even if I was on the “right side”, if I was walking in a prideful and arrogant attitude towards those that had differing opinions that I was completely wrong. I felt that God was wanting me to walk through Covid with a gentle heart ESPECIALLY towards those that I didn’t agree with.
I contracted Covid last August and ended up in the hospital with double pneumonia. What was shocking was that I had Christians on both sides of the Covid debate upset with me! Part of my identity was found in my faith for healing, wisdom and discernment. Due to being sick, it seemed those things were now in question. It seemed as if some were actually angry at me. I felt hurt, betrayed, rejected and foolish. Again, I felt that the Father was using it to teach me about my heart. I felt the Lord was challenging me, not only in relation to where I found my identity but also in dealing with rejection. At one point, I was lamenting to God and I felt Him say, “if this rejection is devastating you, what will happen for you when you are rejected for my sake?’
I felt Him encouraging me to give my hurts to Him and to surrender even my giftings to Him. I needed to give Him everything. I felt that the only way forward was to come as a child, completely dependant on Him. As I did this, I remembered Christ hanging on a cross for me…for us, saying, “forgive them Father for they know not what they do”. In that, I felt the Lord challenging me to take on the same attitude towards others…where they had rage or pride or loud opinions, “forgive them Father for they know not what they do” was to be my heart posture. Jesus did not hang on the cross and say those words stoically, He said those words with compassion, conviction, mercy and love. His heart was breaking for those that were crucifying him. I feel that this is the same attitude that the Father wants us to have towards others.
An important question for all of us is “how is your heart doing?” How did you weather this storm? This has been a difficult season. It’s been painful and there has been much that has been lost. Some have lost friends and family either to sickness or due to relational strife. Some have lost finances. Some have lost peace in the midst of being wrapped up in the controversies surrounding this pandemic. It has been hard on everyone but how is your heart? The Father is asking the question. Are there hurts, cares or frustrations that you need to lay at His feet? Are there burdens that you have taken on that are too big for you to bear? Is your heart angry at people that you don’t agree with? Have you lost sight of who the enemy really is? Father God is concerned about your heart. It’s time to get back to him and the principles of the Kingdom. We need the fruit of the Spirit to be manifest in our lives. We need love to abound and it starts with you and with me.
If you reflect on the past season and feel that you heart has been impacted negatively, I encourage you to go the the Father and ask Him to cleanse you. According to Psalm 145, “the Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love”. He is waiting for you to come and he is excited to bring you restoration.